Sharing a Story - A Young Metis Man

I hope sharing this story - will help create awareness and encouragement for young Metis people in the homeland. It is through courage that this young man shares his story to help others - much like others he encountered have helped him.

We would like to gratefully acknowledge the article is courtesy of Bloodlines Magazine, Red Road HIV/AIDS Network HIV AIDS Network.

A New Lease on Life

It was shocking, at 18, to learn that I had a terminal health condition. Learning that I’d contracted the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), that leads to AIDS, was the hardest thing in my gay youth. Now, 18 years later, how I see this health condition has changed considerably.

I’d heard about AIDS but had thought it was a regional disease in Africa. Nothing like this could ever happen to me because I was young and lived in a developed country. I thought wrong.

It started with my annual health visit on December 18, 1989, at a local clinic in Calgary. My doctor, who is kind and well-spoken, asked me if I would like to be tested for any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). He explained the pros and cons of being tested and pointed out that I was at high risk of getting blood-borne illnesses because of my age and sexual orientation. I consented to the tests.

This was close to Christmas and I decided to spend the holidays with my adopted family in Winnipeg. When I got back to Calgary, an urgent message on my answering machine said to contact my doctor’s office immediately. The receptionist told me that I had an appointment the next day with a community health organization. Making my way to that appointment I began to feel uneasy. The elevator seemed to take forever. I started to sweat and breathe shallowly.

A receptionist welcomed me and asked me to take a seat in the waiting area. The walls were littered with health information on HIV and AIDS. That few minutes that I sat in the reception area seemed an eternity.

Eventually I met Michael; the health officer of what I finally figured out was an AIDS Service Organization (ASO). He invited me into his office and offered me a seat. After a few pleasantries and a few procedural matters, he told me that I had tested positive for HIV.

My world collapsed. My chest felt heavy and the room began to spin. I got up, kicked the garbage can and rushed out of Michael’s office. I ran down the stairs, got into my car and said to myself “whoever gave me this sickness, I forgive you”. I don’t know why I said that, but I believe that it was my saving grace and prayer.

My first phone call was to my adopted parents. My mother answered the phone and when I disclosed, she called me a liar and hung up. She never spoke to me again. My next call was to my roommate Brett. He rushed home from work to meet me. I explained my new health status and asked him not to share it with anyone. He agreed. Because of my experience with my adopted mother, it was a few years before I told anyone else.

I spent those first years feeling numb and socially isolated. I know now that I was reacting to the stigma around AIDS. My panic about having HIV led me down a road of self-destruction and hatred towards everyone, including myself. I used drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and anxiety.

After a few months of not dealing with the issue I moved to Montreal, where no-one knew me. I changed my name and tried to become someone else. That lasted for a few months and then I was back into drinking and using drugs. By divine intervention I was introduced to Jane, a social worker with AIDS Community Care-Montreal (ACCM), who has a heart of gold. After my first visit with her we decided together that I would make an appointment with an HIV specialist to start working on my immediate needs, which included adequate living space and better nutrition.

Eventually, after we’d established some mutual trust, Jane suggested that I volunteer for ACCM. After mulling over the idea for a couple of weeks I decided that helping out was better than sitting at home staring at the bare walls in my apartment.

My first task was to be part of the Black and Blue Festival, an annual AIDS fundraiser at Montreal’s Olympic Stadium hosted by the Bad Boy Club Montréal. This event brings together DJs of all music genres from around the globe and fifty thousand people who come to hear them. Shortly after the event, Jane told me that the FARAH Foundation, an HIV/AIDS agency dedicated to educating the general public about infectious diseases, was looking for People Living with HIV/AIDS (PHAs) to put faces to stories of the deplorable health conditions experienced by PHAs. Did I want to share my story? I decided I did.

I made my speaking debut at McGill University on March 31, 1993 with 120 soon-to-be medical doctors. Trembling, I took the stage, introduced myself as a PHA, gave an overview of what had happened to me, and sobbed uncontrollably. After answering a few questions I encouraged them to learn more about the condition and to act with compassion when dealing with PHAs. I got a standing ovation and much encouragement to keep sharing my story. Since then I have done more than 200 speaking engagements and workshops in schools and organizations across Canada. It gave me the acceptance I needed to jump start my life. I made a solemn oath to myself that I would speak for those who cannot speak for themselves and educate youth about safe sex practices and the ramifications of drug and alcohol abuse.

I now understand that I went through what’s called the five stages of grieving; denial (This is not happening to me!); anger (Why is this happening to me?); bargaining (I promise I will be a better person if…); depression (I do not care anymore); and finally acceptance (I am ready for whatever comes).

Learning how to live with this disease was not easy, but I persevered and it’s paid off. Not only did I learn to conquer my fears of living with this disease and to live again and, I learned the value of life. Recently I found my birth parents, who accept me unequivocally for who I am. Today, I am a confident, ambitious adult. I work full time, attend Athabasca University and continue to share my story my personal and professional lives. It’s wonderful to finally feel again and it’s wonderful to be part of global community that’s full of promise.